A Grandmother's Story

By: Dianne Flynn

My disability ministry journey began with an ultrasound. I waited with excited anticipation while my daughter, Joanne, was at an o.b. appointment.  She came through my front door crying and holding the ultrasound photo in her hand.  The baby she was carrying and loving would be born in six months with Down syndrome and would require open heart surgery shortly after his birth. 

Immediately, I became sick to my stomach and filled with fear, sadness, and grief for our "perfect baby."  I thought of all the physical problems he could have and the burdens that could go along with this disorder.  The unknown future was very scary.  I have to admit that I am very ashamed of my first thoughts.  However, all I could remember about those with Down syndrome was that they were usually hidden away from society and raised in institutions with very few expectations for their futures.  

When I encounter a new problem, I do like many do…turn to the internet for answers.  I learned that Down syndrome knows no racial, age, or economic boundaries.  Ninety per cent of women whose unborn babies are diagnosed with Down syndrome choose to have an abortion, which is so sad because early intervention can make all the difference in the world, and the prognosis for children with Down syndrome today is very good.  They now receive special therapy in learning, behavior, and speech and can become successful and happy adults who are a great asset to our society.  They attend higher education, hold jobs, have meaningful relationships and contribute to society in many wonderful ways.  

At every appointment, Joanne and Rich were warned of all the problems the baby could have and asked if they would like to abort their baby.  Each time Joanne and Rich assured the nurse that they wished to have their baby no matter what and they would not change their minds, so she didn’t need to ask again.  The nurse would say that she was required to ask at each appointment.  Unfortunately, when mothers learn from these tests that their child has Down syndrome, 9 out of 10 choose abortion.  They have no idea what the life of a child with Down syndrome is like…they only hear what they perceive to be a terrible, frightening diagnosis.  Sometimes the doctor encourages the parents to abort the “defective” child and try again.

We spent the remainder of Joanne's pregnancy praying and learning more about the baby's conditions...wanting to know what to expect.  However, I was not expecting what did happen.  The first time I saw Cody, my heart just melted because he was so beautiful and peaceful.    Immediately, I fell in love with this sweet little guy.  After spending several days in the hospital and CPR classes for family members, Cody headed home with his proud parents and brother, Jeremy.

Cody understands everything but has not been very verbal.  One time our family was together with several talking at the same time.  We were caught by surprise when he held up his hand in a stop position and announced, “Trying to talk.”  Yes, Cody has a lot to say, and we look forward to every step of the way with him.  Until then, we will share his story.

Cody is teaching his older brother to be protective and, hopefully, more compassionate.  Cody's father, who likes to be out of the limelight, took on a big challenge as President of our Lutherans For Life Sacramento Chapter.  His mother has learned patience as she has taken Cody to numerous doctor's appointments and physical and speech therapies since his birth.  She has learned to become his advocate and checks into special programs and activities for him.  And what has Grandma been taught?  Cody has taught me…at my advanced age…a deep and unconditional love as I have never known before.           

                                                                                                                                                                      He has been given an extra chromosome, and we now know why.  That is the "love chromosome" that gives him a greater capacity to love others.  He is definitely the most joyful, friendly, and loving little fellow I have ever known.  There is absolutely nothing I would ever change about our 15-year-old boy with Down syndrome because, in my eyes, he is perfect!  

Dianne Flynn is a member of the CNH Disability Ministry Committee